I was 45 years old

I didn’t realise it at the time but this is the age where my story begins. My periods started to change. I went 3 months without a period and was feeling excited. Excited at the prospect of no more monthly periods to worry about. I had been very lucky all my adult life. Light periods, a 28 day cycle, very little PMT etc. Then I started having a few periods that were very different to what I had ever experienced before. Heavy bleeding 21 day menstruation which was a hindrance. Then I would go another 3 months before the same thing happened all over again. Holidays were the worst because I could be on the beach enjoying the sunshine when I would flood and be overcome with embarrassment. Then I started noticing other changes. I didn’t want to socialise with people, I found it hard work keeping up the facade and alcohol just made me feel really low for a day or so after.

I had a great social life, was fit and active and felt really good about myself. I was confident, articulate, a social extrovert some would say, always the life and soul of the party, hence we always got invited! I had a job I really loved and life couldn’t have been any better.

I found I wanted to spend more and more time on my own, I liked the idea of isolating myself from others where I could enjoy some peace and quiet with no pressure from anyone to do anything I didn’t want to do. I put it down to my job. It was nothing for me to spend 12 hours a day at work so come Friday I had my weekend mapped out. Long lie ins every Saturday and Sunday which wouldn’t be ruined by a hangover. As this progressed my mood changes were much more noticeable to me and others and I started to feel what I would later find out, constant anxiety. As I never suffered before it was a constant heaviness on my chest and I just couldn’t shake it. If there was any drama, a bereavement, bad news, pressure to do something it would be feel like I couldn’t breathe. I used to have a major melt down and withdraw from the situation.

I went to my GP and I cried. Unusual for me as I had always been a strong person. I wasn’t a cry baby at all. Something would have to be drastically wrong for me to cry so this was serious. A 10 minute appointment to explain to my GP what was wrong and I came away with anti-depressants.  The “change” was mentioned and I was told to give the prescription a go. I wasn’t strong enough to challenge the GP at this point as I simply didn’t know what was wrong with me. They’re the experts, right?

And so it all begins. For the next 3 years I try herbal remedies, running, exercise, HRT in tablet form, Omega fish oils, magnesium, vitamin D, multi vitamins, menoserene, black cohosh, a sun lamp and a partridge in a pear tree!

Still with me?